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Memorable Quotes from Clueless

Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Ms. Stoger. That machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Miss Stoger: Thanks for the legal advice.

Amber: She could be a farmer in those clothes.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.

Cher: Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.

Cher: Been shopping with Dr. Suess?
Dionne: Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack.
Cher: It's faux.
Clueless movie quotes

Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.

Cher: Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

Cher: Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times.

Mr.Hall: So does anyone have any final thoughts on Cher's oration? Elton?
Elton: Yeah. I can't find my Cranberries CD. I gotta go to the quad before anyone snags it.
Clueless movie quotes

Dionne: Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.

Cher: [seeking a match for her teacher] Unfortunately, There was a major babe drought at my school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.

Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy.

Cher: I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.

Cher: Oh look, Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances.
Christian: I can see why.

Cher: Old people can be so sweet.

Christian: Hey man, protective vibe, I dig.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.

Cher: He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

Cher: Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.

Mel: Do you know what time it is?
Cher: A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, daddy.
Clueless movie quotes

Mel: What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?

Amber: Was I the only one listening?I thought it reeked.
Cher: No I believe that's your designer imposter perfume.

Christian: Do you like Billie Holiday?
Cher: I love him.
Clueless movie quotes

Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?

Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms.

Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.
Clueless movie quotes

[about keeping her virginity]
Cher: You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.

Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions.
Elton: What's seven times seven?
Cher: Stuff she knows.

Josh: You know maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is...
Cher: Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance.
Josh: Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.
Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Looks like we're gonna have to make a cameo at the Val party.

Mr.Hall: [as Travis goes to jump out window] And could the suicide attempts PLEASE be postponed until the next period?
Clueless movie quotes

Mel: Where are you?
Cher: I'm just having a snack at my girlfriend's.
Mel: Where, in Kuwait?
Cher: Is that in the valley?

Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher: I have direction!
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall.
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.

Cher Horowitz: I was just totally clueless.

Cher: Do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?
Clueless movie quotes

Cher: Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.

Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.
Clueless movie quotes

Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

Cher: Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter.

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