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| Memorable Quotes from Dumb & Dumber | |
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[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped] Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself! Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man. Harry: Yeah, well, I don't know. These places just don't do it for me. Lloyd: What's the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart? Harry: No, it was a girl. Lloyd: Mary... I desperately wanna make love to a school boy. Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together? Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say. Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million. [pause] Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance. Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there! Mary: I beg your pardon? Harry: The owls! They're beautiful! Mary: So you'll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five? Harry: Well I got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight? Mary: [Laughs] Stop it Harry: Okay. Seven forty-five Harry: According to the map we've only gone 4 inches. State Trooper: Pullover! Harry: No, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing. Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots man! Harry: I can't believe it. Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat. Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words. Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound. Lloyd: [sees framed newspaper article about moon landing] No Way! [chuckles] Lloyd: WE LANDED ON THE MOON! [while looking back at Mary] Lloyd: There's really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like on a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck! That's the worst! I have this cousin, well y'know, I had this cousin... [Lloyd drives right through a red light, causing a fatal accident visible in the window] Mary: Uh, Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road please? Lloyd: Oh, yeah! Good thinking. You can't be too careful. There are a lot of bad drivers out there. Mental: Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas? Mrs. Neugeboren: Where have you been? My dogs were supposed to be here FORTY minutes ago! Now, I hardly have any time to primp them! Harry: Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Noogieburger. Mrs. Neugeboren: NEUGEBOREN! Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up. Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson? Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase. Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here. [He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite] Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though. Dale's Man: They're driving an '84... Sheepdog. Lloyd: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? Lloyd: [to motorcycle cop] Tic-Tac, sir? Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next? Lloyd: No and I DON'T CARE! Lloyd: We don't usually pick up hitchhikers... but I'm-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner! [checking Harry & Lloyd's apartment] Mental: Briefcase ain't here, they must've taken it with them. J.P. Shay: Well, he's gotta come home sometime. Mental: Maybe we should trash the place, send them a little message. J.P. Shay: [looks around] I don't think he's gonna get that message Joe, I mean, the guy's got worms in his living room. Lloyd: She says, "Do you love me?" and I say, "No, but that's a really nice ski mask." |
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