Smokey: Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck.
Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
Dad: Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pig's feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs feet.
Smokey: Man that fool just playin' man, I ain't trippin.
Craig Jones: That's yo problem. Aint' nobody playin' but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin'. He aint' playin' you think he playin' 'bout his money? He know where my momma stay know where you momma stay. He say he had a gun when you seen him right?
Craig Jones: Well name one person in the hood that play like that!
Smokey: Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.
Smokey: You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.
Ezal: Aw, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. God. Oh, I'm hurt. Oh, my neck, my back, my neck and my back. Oh, I want $150,000, but we can settle out of court right now for twenty bucks.
Janitor: Man, get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn.
Dad: Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen in the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food.
Smokey: You got knocked the fuck out... gimme my goddamn money... yeah payback's a motherfucker, Nigga.
Smokey: You just got knocked the FUCK out!
Smokey: What's up Big Perm?... I mean Big Worm.
Craig Jones: I felt sorry for Smokey, 'cause peer pressure is a motherfucker.
Craig Jones: For most people, Friday's just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood 'll never be the same.
Smokey: Well, yeah, hey, I got ya money anyway, and you sell that shit yourself next time, cause I'm going into rehab. I'm through with this shit.
[hangs up phone and tokes joint in his mouth]
Smokey: I was just bullshittin'. And you know this, man.
Craig Jones: What I'm trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it?
Smokey: I don't know. That's my only problem.
Craig Jones: Big Worm gonna fuck you up.
Smokey: Big Worm ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, man.
Craig Jones: All right...
Smokey's mom: Smokey, get me some cigarettes.
Smokey: Well, give me some money.
[Smokey's mom gives Smokey a dollar]
Smokey: Wait, this isn't enough.
Smokey's mom: Make it enough.
Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. He b like "shut the f**k up". I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
[Smokey taking a crap outside]
Smokey: You better not tell anybody man.
Ezal: Man, I'm not, man.
Smokey: Keep it on the down low.
Ezal: Alright brother. Damn.
Ezal: [Looks around and yells] Hey, Smokey back here taking a shit!
Ezal: Well, I won't tell anybody else.
Smokey: Why you not goin' to work?
Craig Jones: I got fired yesterday.
Smokey: No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.
Craig Jones: I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
Ezal: Smoke, buy me a 40oz for my birthday.
Smokey: Today your birthday?
Ezal: What's today?
Deebo: Come on Smoke, Stanley left his window open.
Smokey: I can't I'm on probation.
Deebo: Stop being a bitch and come on.
Ezal: Smokey, you know I ain't the smartest man in the world, but, from back here it look like you're takin a shit.
Joi: Well you just tell the bitch, whoever she is, when I find her I'm gonna beat her ass.
Big Worm: Can't have shit I'm closed, Fat Boy.
Boy: Then give me my money back.
Big Worm: My money.
Smokey: I've been smokin' ever since I was two.
[to Smokey on the phone]
Big Worm: Don't make me cut ya balls off & hand 'em to ya, patna.
Joann: Damn, Smoke, don't be banging on the door like you the damn po-lice.
Dad: [on toilet] Boy, get your ass in here. I smelled your shit for... 22 years. Now you can smell mine for five minutes.
Reverend: [at Smokey] Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.
Smokey: Well round here, between Normandy and Weston, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Craig Jones: Right...
Reverend: Give me a little for my cataracts.
Smokey: You didn't put in on this man.
Deebo: What's up, Stanley?
Deebo: Well, f**k you, then, punk.
Smokey: Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.
Ezal: you can have your knife back cause I steal I don't kill.
Red: My pops told me to ask for my bike back... you know I wouldn't trip.
Deebo: What bike?
Red: Beach Cruiser, the one I let you use couple of weeks ago... the one I been asking about.
Deebo: Oh, *that* bike. Didn't know you wanted it back, homie. It's right here. Follow me, homes.
Red: Yeah, it's just like it's both of ours... we just keep it down at my house.
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't ya' all help me!
Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was ya' all, I would've helped ya' all.
Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red: [pause, thinks about t] Oh, that was different.
Smokey: [after breaking into Stanley's house] We got about two hundred dollars.
Deebo: I got about two hundred dollars.
Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job.
Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money.
Mrs. Jones: Exactly.
Big Worm: [as Craig halluncinates seeing Big Worm in the kitchen] You smoking my weed too? I gonna kill you and Smokey because you playin' with my emotions...
[as Craig slams his cabinet door shut]
Big Worm: You heard? Hey!
Dana Jones: [after Craig punches Deebo out] He thinks he's the Mac...
Mr. Jones: Hehe. Macaroni.
Mr. Jones: You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day.
Smokey: The weed be lettin' you know... Evil lurks
Joi: You ain't got to lie, Craig, you ain't got to lie.
Felisha: [clapping] Craig, Craaaaaig! Let me borrow your VCR right quick. I need to dub a tape.