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Memorable Quotes from Garden State

Sam: Hey, I recognize you.
Andrew Largeman: Oh, did you go to Columbia High?
Sam: No, not from high school, from TV. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah.
Sam: Are you really retarded?
Andrew Largeman: No.
Sam: Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean, you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win, hands down, kick his ass!
Quotes from Garden State

Karl Benson: Hey man, I thought you killed yourself.
Andrew Largeman: What?
Karl Benson: I thought you killed yourself. That wasn't you?
Andrew Largeman: No, no, tha-that wasn't me.
Quotes from Garden State

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: Wow! I cannot believe you're not retarded!
Quotes from Garden State

Andrew Largeman: We're not playing Spin the Bottle; how old are we? More importantly, how old are they?
Jesse: Oh, they're all legal. I think...
Quotes from Garden State

Carol: Oh... guys? Don't stay in here all day. I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector; it was beeping all night.
Quotes from Garden State

Tim: [to Mark's mom, Carol] I had a lovely evening.
[to Andrew]
Tim: By the way, it says BALLS on your face.
Quotes from Garden State

Dr. Cohen: Mister... Andrew Largeman?
Andrew Largeman: Yes?
Dr. Cohen: There's absolutely nothing wrong with you
Andrew Largeman: Really?
Dr. Cohen: Just kidding; how the hell would I know?
Quotes from Garden State

Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. Uh, I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half. For example.
Andrew Largeman: Wow. Um, but I don't really think that's it...
Quotes from Garden State

Gideon Largeman: [on Andrew's answering machine] Andrew, this is your father. Hello? Look, you don't call me back, so I don't know how to do this. If you're not gonna return my calls then there's no way for us to communicate...
[breaks down]
Gideon Largeman: Look, I don't know how to do this but you're gonna need to come home now. Last night... Your mother died last night, Andrew. She drowned. Last night she drowned in the bath.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: It's not that we're bad pet owners or anything, it's just, you know, we've had so many of them over the years. Besides, a lot of these are fish.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: This is Tickle.
Andrew Largeman: What is Tickle?
Sam: Tickle is my favorite thing in the whole world. It's all that's left of Nanny, my blanket.
Andrew Largeman: Tickle is all that remains. Was there a hurricane or something?
Sam: Shut up!
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: We're not gonna make out or anything, okay?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry. I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?
Quotes from Garden State

Kelly: Well, we just ate all this fucking 'X', so what the hell else are we supposed to do?
Jesse: The woman has a point.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: I have three Dobermans, and if I didn't kick them in the balls on a regular basis, I'd never get anything done.
Quotes from Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Can you imagine being the guy whose job it is to argue for the right to build a mall on top of a geological phenomenon?
Mark: They love their malls here, man.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.
Quotes from Garden State

Mark: I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: I haven't even lied in like, the past two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
Sam: No.
Quotes from Garden State

Mark: The only thing worse than a favor is a favor involving money.
Quotes from Garden State

Albert: [about the rickety old boathouse] Unfortunately, if this is the apocalypse, I'm not entirely sure it still floats.
Quotes from Garden State

Diego: Does it come with balloons?
Mark: What am I, a birthday clown? NO! It doesn't come with balloons. Suck it off the tap!
Quotes from Garden State

Olivia: I'm sorry, we just haven't had the time to train them. Who has the time to train them?
Quotes from Garden State

Olivia: Sam, I thought I told you to take the metal wheel out of the hamster cage.
Sam: Oh! I forgot!
Olivia: [holding up a stiff brown lump] Well, you forgot, and now Jelly's dead.
Quotes from Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Dude, we've been patient all day but it's my last day in town and you haven't told us what we're doing. I mean, if you had told me we'd be going on a six-hour scavenger hunt for blow I would've passed.
Mark: Come on, please. If I was going to get you coke we would've gone to the fucking high school football practice. We would've been rolling five hours ago.
Quotes from Garden State

Sam: What's the word that's burning in your heart?
Quotes from Garden State

Andrew Largeman: I was a little boy and somebody made a shitty latch. That's what I think. That's what I think about the whole thing, OK? And I'm not gonna take those drugs anymore, because they have left me completely fucking numb. I have felt so fucking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, OK? And for that... for that I'm here to forgive you. You've always said that all you wanted was for us to have whatever it is we wanted, right? Well, maybe, what Mom wanted more then anything is for it to all be over, and for me, what I want more then anything in the world, is for it to be OK with you for me to feel something again, even if it's pain.
Gideon Largeman: Well, you're going against your doctor's recommendation, that a pretty weighty experiment to take on, don't you think?
Andrew Largeman: This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.
Quotes from Garden State

Quotes from Garden State auuuu.com