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Memorable Quotes from Hot Chick

Jessica (Clive): [after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.

April: So... do you really have a penis?
Jessica (Clive): I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
April: Can I see it?
Jessica (Clive): April!
April: Sorry... can I see it?
[Jessica gives April a dirty look]
April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.
Hot Chick Quotes

Jessica (Clive): Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like... to wake up every morning... and have to shave your chin.
Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.

[Clive, in Jessica's body, looks at a box of tampons frantically]
Clive (Jessica): I gotta do WHAT?

[a stripper has recognized "Clive" and punches Jessica hard]
Clive (Jessica): Oooh. Nice one!
Pole Cat Stripper: Bastard! You got a lot of nerve coming back here!
Jessica (Clive): But I didn't...
[to Clive]
Jessica (Clive): What was that all about?
Clive (Jessica): Do you believe I get to share a locker with that!
Hot Chick Quotes

Jessica (Clive): [on the phone to Billy after becoming a man] I should have made love to you when I had the chance.
Billy: Father Mulcahy?

Jessica Spencer: Look at these earrings. I'll be the envy of every girl at prom. Not like that was in jeopardy or anything.
[April sighs in disgust]

Jessica (Clive): [after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!
Hot Chick Quotes

Long-haired Jock: Aren't you that chick who's having sex with that college guy?
Eden: [annoyed] NO.
Long-haired Jock: Wanna be?
Jessica (Clive): She's not interested, so why don't you just back off?
Long-haired Jock: Oh, OK. GRANDPA. What are you, a pimp and these are your skank hoes!
[Jessica slaps him hard]
Long-haired Jock: You and me, right now, lets go.
Jessica (Clive): Where are we going?

Clive (Jessica): [Walking into the bathroom after he has turned into Jessica] WHERE'S MY...?

Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
Jessica Spencer: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!
Hot Chick Quotes

Clive (Jessica): I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, OK. Then, I'll give you your body back because it soooo important to you.
[mockingly]
Clive (Jessica): Waa waa I'm crying about my body... And then, you can just loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts.
Hot Chick Quotes

Korean Mother: Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.

[Jessica (Clive) to Jake while calling for April]
Jessica (Clive): Too late dude, she's with me right now. She says that my peepee's way bigger than yours. And that's if I fold it in half.

Bongo Player: You can put your weed in there.

Venetia: I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.

Ling Ling: Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?

Jessica and April: Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace. They will tell you anything to get to second base... ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way then you are a hor... ticulture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks. The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his cock... roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs. Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck. All guys really want to do is - forget it, no such luck.
Hot Chick Quotes

Jessica (Clive): Well, THAT was an experience... Is there any ice in here?
April: No
Jessica (Clive): Thank God.
Hot Chick Quotes

Bathroom Attendant: Just remember, you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.

Jessica (Clive): April, do you remember in second grade when you moved here from Arkansas? And everyone made fun of you and threw rocks at you, 'cuz you talked funny and your front two teeth were brown. I was your only friend. I gave you that locket, round your neck, when your grandmother was sick. You said, you said...
April: We'd be bestest friends forever.

April: Ok, let's make a list of all the people that hate Jessica.
Lulu: You know what would be a shorter list? All the people that don't hate Jessica.
Jessica: You bitch!

Madam Mambuza: Stop banging on those drums!
Bongo Player: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you could hear that.
Hot Chick Quotes

Jessica Spencer: You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
Hot Chick Quotes

Jessica (Clive): How come you didn't snitch on me?
Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
Jessica (Clive): Come here;
[hugs him]
Jessica (Clive): You're such a little weirdo.
Hot Chick Quotes

Stan Thomas: If you ruin April's night, I will have you put away.
Hot Chick Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Hot Chick auuuu.com