Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian: She asked me how to spell orange.
Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.
Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
Damian: She's fabulous, but she's evil.
Karen: I can't go out.
Karen: I'm sick.
Regina: Boo, you whore.
Regina: Get in loser, we're going shopping.
Karen: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.
Aaron Samuels: Your face smells like peppermint!
Karen: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady: It's Halloween.
Damian: [delivering candy canes] Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh..."Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady: It's Cady.
Damian: Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
Janis: What's that smell?
Cady: Oh, um... Regina gave me some parfume
Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute
Cady: Cady: Thanks!
Cady: Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!
Regina: Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hair little a-
[gets hit by a schoolbus]
Regina: I know, right?
Gretchen: [to Cady] If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Ohman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!
[begins to cry]
Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?
Regina: I'm starving.
Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.
Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.
Regina: Motherf -
[she spits out the bite of the bar that she was chewing, and then she lets out a high-pitched scream]
[seeing all the girls fighting]
Mr. Duvall: Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this!
[hits fire alarm with a baseball bat]
Kevin Gnapoor: [after cutting into dance] What's up?
Janis: Can I help you?
Kevin Gnapoor: You Puerto Rican?
Kevin Gnapoor: I feel that.
Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.
Regina George: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?
Shane Oman: You're right, hon.
Regina George: I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?
Regina: Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
Cady: I don't know, I mean, she's so weird, she just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack.
Regina: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird,
and now I guess she's on crack.
Cady: Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.
Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.