Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary