If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Dorothy Parker

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Dorothy Parker

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well (1937), "News Item"
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
Dorothy Parker, speaking of Katharine Hepburn

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Dorothy Parker, 'But the One on the Right,' in New Yorker, 1929

They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
Dorothy Parker, 'Fair Weather,' Sunset Gun, 1928

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.
Dorothy Parker, Not So Deep as a Well (1937), "Comment"

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
(attributed)

A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound - if I can remember any of the damn things.

I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Here Lies (1939), "The Little Hours"

A Certain Lady
Oh, I can smile for you, and tilt my head,
And drink your rushing words with eager lips,
And paint my mouth for you a fragrant red,
And trace your brows with tutored finger-tips.
When you rehearse your list of loves to me,
Oh, I can laugh and marvel, rapturous-eyed.
And you laugh back, nor can you ever see
The thousand little deaths my heart has died.
And you believe, so well I know my part,
That I am gay as morning, light as snow,
And all the straining things within my heart
You'll never know.

Oh, I can laugh and listen, when we meet,
And you bring tales of fresh adventurings, --
Of ladies delicately indiscreet,
Of lingering hands, and gently whispered things.
And you are pleased with me, and strive anew
To sing me sagas of your late delights.
Thus do you want me -- marveling, gay, and true,
Nor do you see my staring eyes of nights.
And when, in search of novelty, you stray,
Oh, I can kiss you blithely as you go ....
And what goes on, my love, while you're away,
You'll never know.