Hitch: [Struggling to speak with Sara through her peephole, explaining why he pauses] ... This is weird - I don't have me behind the door.
Hitch: What's that?
[indicating the donuts]
Albert: I figured maybe if my heart stops beating it wouldn't hurt so bad.
Hitch: Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.
Hitch: Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away.
Hitch: "Coquille St. Jacques." Death on a leaf!
Sara: What should we toast to?
Hitch: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
Hitch: Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Vance: [after telling Hitch that he only wants a girl so he can sleep with her] No, I was told that you help guys get in there.
Hitch: Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually *like* women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.
Vance: Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.
Hitch: Well, *that* is for damn certain.
Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.
Hitch: Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?
Vance: Oh, yeah.
Hitch: Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this...
[he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]
Hitch: This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Okay, pumpkin?
Hitch: Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.
Hitch: [Hitch showed Sara where her great-great-grandfather Juan signed into Ellis Island, and she ran out the door crying] I'm really sorry. When I saw him on the computer, it said "The Butcher of Cadíz." I thought it was a profession, not a headline.
Sara: Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.
Albert: Honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. I'm going out of my mind. I want to throw myself off every building in New York. I see a cab and I want to dive in front of it because that way I'll stop thinking about her.
Hitch: You will just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. If this is the only way I can stay connected with her then this is who I have to be.
Hitch: One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once.
Albert: You can't stop it...
Albert: You cannot stop it...
Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Hitch: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.
Albert: I want to jump in front of every cab I see, because maybe then I'll stop thinking about her.