Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!
[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]
Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".
Entire Sorority Group: Aye.
Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?
Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.
Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant out of town, where no one would recognize us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Brooke?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Enrique Salvatore: No, I'm sorry. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend.
Chuck: YOU BITCH
Elle: All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.
Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out.
Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too?
Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.
Margot: Here, you're gonna need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah... Luckily!
[sees Elle in her Bunny costume]
Warner Huntington III: Hey well don't you look like a walking felony.
Elle: Thanks, you're so sweet.