SAMUEL LANGHORNE CLEMENS (MARK TWAIN) QUOTES
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Mark Twain

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards.
Mark Twain

I've lived a long life and seen a lot of hard times...most of which never happened.
Mark Twain

The Gentle Reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become, until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the Gentle Reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass.
Mark Twain, part of travelog from his trip to Egypt.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.
Mark Twain

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man
Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything Mark Twain

Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Mark Twain

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
Mark Twain

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
Mark Twain

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
Mark Twain

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
Mark Twain

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Mark Twain

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Mark Twain

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this it the ideal life.
Mark Twain

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting start is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.
Mark Twain

Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.
Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Mark Twain

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Mark Twain Pudd'nhead Wilson

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one's head
Mark Twain

To cease smoking is the easiset thing I ever did. I ought to know, I've done it a thousand times.
Mark Twain

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like anything. Mark Twain

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain Bringing Up Father

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